My Vision for a Meaningful Life
11/19/14 
Paul Kyu Ho Kim
My father was raised in a tight-knit family so it was not surprising that he and his brothers remained close after emigrating from South Korea to America. At our Kim family reunions, we always took time to reflect on our family history. While I had heard bits and pieces at a time, it wasn't until college that I really understood what had happened to our family and how it impacts who I am today.
My great grandfather had moved his family from Korea to Manchuria in 1906. As a pastor, my grandfather felt called to serve the Korean people living there at the time. As time passed, the political climate grew worse for both Koreans and Christians. Despite concerns from his wife and children, he felt compelled to stay with his congregation. As the persecution continued to mount and many unjustly incarcerated or beaten to death, my grandfather finally agreed to leave for Korea if his congregation would leave with him. And so after discussion with the elders, a hundred or so people began the sojourn across China into the Korean peninsula. Risking death and significant physical and mental hardship, they crossed into Korea, and settled down near Seoul.
Before long, the communist wave of power that had swept through China permeated through Northern Korea and into Seoul. Religion was Ўstrongly discouraged,Ў but people continued to worship in secret. The North Korean government eventually extended an olive branch and asked for a meeting of the religious leaders to reach a compromise. My grandmother had her suspicions, but my grandfather had hope and so he left. That was the last day anyone had seen him. They searched for years of any record or any mention of his name but to no avail, and it left my grandmother to care for six boys alone. Before the sun woke up, she headed to the markets and begged for the food that was beginning to rot so she could then flip and sell it. She walked door-to-door looking for people who needed their house cleaned or clothes sewn. Uneducated but determined, she took any odd job and sold all her possessions including her wedding ring so that her children could go to school, have clothes, and eat food. My father missed school quite frequently to help his mother but eventually was able to go school regularly. He went on to college and followed in his fatherЎs footsteps and became a pastor.
My father met my mother in Korea and decided to move to Canada to study further and began his doctorate in McCormick Theological Seminary. When I was a year old, he found a job in New Jersey at a small Presbyterian church catering to the Korean community. While I grew up playing sports and creating mischief just like any other child, I also saw my father and mother spend countless hours caring for the helpless, counseling the grief-stricken, and loving the lonely and embittered. While my parents are far from perfect, I was very fortunate to grow up with parents who were expressive and affectionate in their love for me. My parents valued God, family and community, service, and education. My mother supported my father (a full-time job in and of itself) and raised three boys and also found time to continue her education, receiving Masters Degrees from Princeton Theological Seminary and Yale University and completing a Doctorate at Drew University.
My familyЎs story has integrally shaped who I am. But centering my life on timeless, unchanging principles is the foundation of creating a fundamental paradigm of effective living. As a Christian, my beliefs have played a large role in shaping my vision. My ultimate life goal is to glorify God in all that I do. Centering my life with my belief system, I hope to devote my passions into achieving that goal. In my fatherЎs case, he chose to become a pastor to accomplish and live this goal. He founded a Bible Institute; he created a summer school for children, an ESL program for native Spanish and Korean speakers; he founded the first Presbyterian Church in El Salvador; he served as president of a theological school. In his personal life, his passion for writing lead to six sermon books, two poetry collections, and two essay collections all inspired by his beliefs and vision. While my father and my family share the same life goal, my passion and medium for reaching this vision is different.
In the Bible, King David is referred to as a man after God's own heart. David was not a perfect man, but he sought to do everything that would be pleasing to God, and when he didnЎt, he confessed, repented, and changed course. It took me awhile to figure it out: God made my passion and my calling pediatric critical care medicine. But knowing that and living it are two different things. It is easy for me to become distracted by the trappings of what man constitutes as success: prestige, achievements, financial compensation, etc.
In the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU), children are critically ill and many can and will die. It is an extreme privilege and honor to be able to care for these patients. I try to love my patient's the way that God loves me. Part of that involves providing top level care: constant studying and improving upon my medical knowledge and medical skills. But it also means meeting more than their physical needs. I try to place myself in the shoes of my patients and their parents and meet their emotional and psychological needs as well. For patients that are dying, I help them and their families come to an understanding of the circumstances and do everything to provide a ЎgoodЎ and peaceful death that minimizes suffering and pain and provides closure to all involved.
My biggest struggle and what God has been teaching me involves communication. Irish playwright and co-founder of the London School of Economics, George Bernard Shaw, said that Ўthe single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.Ў Communication does not mean alerting people to what you're doing or explaining the reasoning behind your actions. That part is certainly important, but for me, it has more to do with listening, and specifically, empathetic listening. In Stephen CoveyЎs book, ЎThe 7 Habits of Highly Effective PeopleЎ he explains the human tendency to jump right in to a conversation and attempt to "fix" things with good advice and failing to take the time to diagnose and deeply understand the problem, espousing the mantra: seek first to understand, then to be understood. I am a doctor and I have the tools to ЎfixЎ you so the moment you start talking, I've been taught to place your symptoms into a list that leads to a diagnosis that leads to a treatment. I am a Christian and I have the tools to "fix" you so the moment you share your problems and your struggles, I figure out how to ЎfixЎ what is wrong with you. I do this instead of seeking to understand where you're coming from despite my earnest intentions to help.
Covey knows this and breaks down listening into levels: 1) ignoring 2) pretending 3) selective 4) attentive. Others practice active or reflective listening, which is based on mimicking what another person says. However, if one listens with the intent of understanding the speaker's perspective and point of reference - empathic listening - there is a paradigm shift in your listening motive and purpose. Empathic listening becomes part of a larger process of developing stronger relationships and making deposits into each other's emotional bank accounts. Listening and attempting to fix problems despite good intentions by being autobiographical and imposing our perspective on situations not only limits our ability to be helpful but can also be quite detrimental (as observed in CoveyЎs father-son discourse). It limits the openness and the depth of the conversation and rather than becoming a significant deposit into the emotional relationship bank account, it becomes a heavy withdrawal.
My vision of service will not only permeate in my work life but also in my personal life. With my friends and with my family, I hope to establish powerful, personal, deep relationships. These are relationships that require personal and emotional investment as well as time commitments. I will not be afraid to be open to people and to have people to be open to me. I will value people's voices and opinions. I will not be ruled by money or by materialistic addictions. I will support my parents when they retire financially, emotionally, physically. I will be supportive of my brothers in their jobs and with their families. I will love my future wife and my children. I will teach them and share with them my vision and encourage them to have one of their own. I will always make time for my family and have balance between family and work.
Personally, I will remember my roots and my humble beginnings and the second, third, hundredth chances IЎve had in my life. I will seek to be humble, kind, generous, loving, joyful, just, understanding, thankful, diligent, and live my life with integrity. I will never be satisfied and continue to improve both my character and my life. I will seek to learn new ideas and new skills. I will try to be open and ready for whatever God has for my life. I don't have it all figured out, and I am far from perfect and will continue to stray from the path that God has chosen for me. But I confess that I cannot accomplish these goals without Jesus Christ and his agape love at my center and take comfort in Proverbs 3:5-6: ЎTrust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.
Dr. Paul Kim is a member of the Pediatric Critical Care Faculty and an Assistant Professor of Pediatrics at NYU School of Medicine. He works in the Congenital Cardiovascular Care Unit and Pediatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU) at Tisch and in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit at Bellevue where he also serves as the PICU Director. He completed his undergraduate studies at Yale University and medical school at Mount Sinai School of Medicine. He stayed at Mount Sinai Hospital for his Pediatric Residency and completed his Pediatric Critical Care Fellowship at Children's Hospital Los Angeles. His interests include medical education and quality improvement. He is involved in Residency and Medical Student Simulation programs and chairs the PICU Quality Assurance Committee at Bellevue and co-chairs the Pediatric Medication Safety Committee at Tisch. He is an avid Mets,