A musician's testimony of a North Korean experiance
10/28/14 
Soo Bae
She teaches at the Gordon College in Boston and runs and directs the Angelos Mission Ensemble Chamber music program in New Jersey, of which she is founder. For further information, please visit www.soobae.com.
I know some are wondering what goes on inside performers' minds right before walking out on stage. Performing can be a total nightmare or a total joy as some of you know already. One time I remember I had to give a recital at Juilliard and that day nothing seemed to have gone my way. I was having a terrible day. I was running late, millions of errands to do yet none accomplished, and on top of that I was totally under-prepared. Everything was so out of control already that the last thing I needed was to lose control on stage. With pressure mounting, two minutes before walking out onto stage I burst into tears. I could not control my emotions and tears just kept rolling down my cheeks. I remember praying desperately 'God help me survive this. I hate this, I don't want to go on….help me control and get a grip of myself again' God did answer my prayer, and I did survive.
It seemed like such nightmare back then but now in retrospect, I can laugh at the experience because it is a great reminder that every performance, no matter how I feel, is for his glory. As soon as I am responsible for my success and failure, and as long as I'm trying to control everything, that is when all falls apart. Over the years of extensive performing, I've learned that joyful performance is not about being in control but rather completely surrendering so there is room for God to create melody through me. It's about trusting that even if I fail, make mistakes, trip over my dress in front of 1000s of people (which I have done in the past), God still delights in me and loves me.
Many times, we don't allow God room in our lives to provide us with miracles. Here is one example when one time, I had no choice but to surrender, and it was one of the most incredible miracles I have experienced.
When I went onto a mission trip to North Korea couple of years ago, I was using a Stradivarius cello made in 1696 worth $5 million dollars. I was given this cello on a free loan from the Canada council for 3 years upon winning the instrument bank competition in 2006. How God had delivered that cello to me is another miraculous story in it self. Anyway, it was my desire to play the cello in NK to glorify God, but as you can imagine, logistically it was impossible. I didn't even know if they had any cellos there to play, and I wasn't going to bring the priceless strad to NK. I still did not give up and I continued to pray that God would allow me praise Him with the cello in that dark oppressed nation.
We finally left for NK and arrived on a Saturday. Our schedule was to visit the next day one of the "churches", which we knew were actually fake OR actually set up by the government. Still knowing, I wanted to bring true praise in that church. So I asked our NK chaperone / tour guide if there was any way for me to get a cello to play during that service the next day. His reply back to me was "What's a cello?" I quickly realized that this was not going to work and gave up on that altogether.
The next morning he picked us up at 9:30 AM to go to the church in Pyungyang, NK's capital. As we were getting into the van, he told us that he found out what a cello was, pulled some strings and that we would pick one up for me on the way.
We were stunned by this amazing surprise and were praising God that He provided me my dream opportunity! But when I took the cello out of its case, it was probably the worst cello I've ever played on...all broken and torn...however, I was still so thankful that I was able to praise God there. It was a miracle.
I played a number of hymns and that opened the door for another amazing chance encounter with the director of the soon-to-be opened Pyungyang University of Science and Technology (PUST) center there-and that was also amazing. However, the best part was when I was putting the cello away back into its case. I saw this little fish icon glued to the inside of this cello case, and inside this a silver fish buckle that was inscribed in English "Jesus".
Incredible. Not only did he give me a cello but the cello had His name written on it. It was a Jesus cello. The Jesus cello just like its owner, did not come in fancy form like the 5million dollar strad I had back home. It was all broken and humble. However, at that time as I was praising God, this Jesus cello was far more precious andbeautiful than the grand strad that was waiting for me back home. It was God telling me that He himself is sufficient. That even when it seems impossible, when we surrender and wholeheartedly believe, God will make anything happen and will truly work and perform many great miracles. It was also proof that God was alive and active and that He will use us musicians to bring justice, healing, restoration, joy and hope to the hopeless people in the dark places of this world.
As a cellist and performer, we often think our technique and excellence is what moves God. Yes excellence is needed but all the more importantly, I know now that my heart needs to be first humbly broken before our Lord admitting that I am weak, empty and lost without Him. That even if I were to gain worldly success, my music would be worthless if Christ does not live in me.
Knowing this, before I perform, I always make sure to pray that God would be pleased with my heart of worship and that through my performance His name would be glorified. I also often pray that at any point in my musical journey, if I would become arrogant and prideful, that God would put a stop to my success. As a musician it is such a fine line between praising God or praising ourselves. We are always only one step away from praising and giving ourselves the credit. In order to avoid this, I remind myself that every success and blessing must be reflect back to God. I know that If I were to keep the glory, it would only turn into a curse. But as the sinner that I am, I do forget time to time and God, being so gracious, always gently and graciously reminds me just where I came from and how He had saved and delivered me from such a shameful, ugly, and sinful life I led during my teen days.
All of my performances, whether the venue is big or small, if given the opportunity for an encore, I always play a hymn or gospel song that I have arranged for the solo cello. It is my way of testifying to everyone and also my way of sharing the joy of the Lord thru music with everyone. My hopes are that as they listen, the Holy Spirit will work in their heart and cause them to desire after God.